Wherein the violation of Taco Friday is discussed, or, we said we'd never speak of that again.

am: guess what?!?! It's taco Tuesday!

ah: no! Just because we did that one time doesn't mean it's a thing now.

mm: yeah, you said you'd never speak of it again

am: but it really is! We have a lunch meeting with our new team member.

ah: oh, yeah. I forgot about that. We're really missing with our Taco Friday schedule.

Wherein Charter gets its due, or, "slow tech" doesn't have the same appeal as "slow food"

Scene: hippie coffee shop, studying for industry exam

am: Oh my GOD! This wi-fi is so fucking slow! I can't get anything on here. WTF?

ah: it's probably fair trade wi-fi 

Wherein the legacy of our ancestors is discussed, or, here's your tip,biotch

am: Its like GTA

ah: who knew carjacking was so easy?

am: and killing prostitutes. You can run them over to get your money back

ah: that is SO cheap. My Dutch ancestors would be impressed.

Wherein the scenery of northern Michigan become too much, or, I believe I can't fly.

Setting: cubeland

Cast: coworker in button down shirt, coworker in button down blouse

CIBDB: I think a seagull just suicided off the building.

CWIBDS: What?

CIBDB: It just dropped like a rock past the window. Like “I’m not going to fly, I’m not going to fly”

CWIBDS: Maybe someone shot it.

CIBDB: Well, it is almost lunchtime.

CWIBDS: I wonder what the cafeteria is serving today.

Wherein someone taught the sales guy a catchy phrase, or, "you keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means"

Setting: cubeland

Characters: coworker dressed nicely in tie, narrator skirting dress code in jeans

CWDNIT: I can’t believe that they actually used the term “highly indexed binary file” in their sales pitch. That’s what any database is. It makes me think their sales person doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about.

NSDCIJ: We should lodge a complaint.

CWDNIT: Yeah, “I’d like to complain. This database isn’t as binary as I thought it would be”.

Wherein life priorities are discussed, or either way, there's a cranium causing pain

Setting: board room divisional meeting

Cast: 20 various analysts and systems people including Bosses' boss, maternal coworker, Coworker with slightly dazed look, narrator in black sweater

BB: does anyone have something to share about how their summer went?
CWSDL: yeah, I just got back from mountain climbing out west and only have a minor concussion
(coworkers nod and smile politely)
MC: I had a baby over the summer!
(wild applause)
NIBS: guess having a baby tops climbing a mountain
CWSDL: I'd rather have the mountain
NIBS: I'd rather have the concussion